Boehner Tearfully Admits his Name is Really Pronounced “Boner”

Boehner tearfully admits his name is pronounced "Boner"

Boehner tearfully admits to Congress his name is pronounced "Boner"

In an effort to draw attention away from Obama’s televised attack ads on Mitt Romney’s record of job destruction at Bain Capital, Speaker of the House, John Boehner (until recently pronounced Bay-nor), came out of the “German grammar closet” and tearfully admitted his name is really pronounced “Boner.”

Nancy Pelosi applauded John Boehner, saying:

“The nation thanks you, Woody, for coming clean and standing up to the anti-gay troglodytes and evangelical theological knuckle-draggers now dominating your beloved Republican party.”

Although, in the past, Boehner vehemently denied that his name was pronounced “Boner,” his admitted high school nickname and constant condition, now he seems resigned to telling the truth at least once during his tenure as Speaker of the House. Responding to reporters questions about what took him so long to pronounce his name correctly, Boehner replied,

“In the super-heated atmosphere of an election year it was just a matter of time until Obama’s campaign made the proper pronunciation of my name a campaign issue. They’re crazy if they think I was going to give them the chance to call me “Boner,” in public, when my own out of control Tea Party congressmen call me a boner in private.”

The internet German grammar and pronunciation website, “Boeh is Really Pronounced Like “So,”” writes that:

“O” … long – Like the vowel in English “so”, but with lips extremely rounded and no offglide into an “ooh”-sound.”

I’m not kidding and I’m not making that up; the German grammar site really said that. John Boehner replied that no matter how suggestively the German grammar site explained how to say his name, he wasn’t about to rethink his position on gay marriage or get emotional and break into tears, again.

Mitt Romney jumped into the Boehner-Boner fray with the following statement:

“It doesn’t matter how John Boehner pronounces his last name; it doesn’t hurt our tax-free, Cayman Island bank accounts and he’s still the same lovable guy he always was ….. and I suppose, maybe even more so. Of course this naturally leads me to talk about moi and about my job creation history at Bain Capital. Sure, I trashed a lot of jobs when I was at Bain to make more money for my investors, so naturally I got excited and got a tiny Boehner every time I created some jobs by accident.”



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